Sky Full of Rainbows: Celebrating Our LGBTQ+ Ancestors and Elders
First article in a new series about long-term couples in LGBTQ+ history!
Happy New Year everyone!
Today (January 2nd) is our 23rd anniversary. It seems hard to believe it’s been almost a quarter of a century together . . . and on this day in particular I’m reminded of the many long-term LGBTQ+ couples we both admire. They are our role models, our chosen elders and our chosen ancestors. Our stories aren’t often told in the history books or the media, but we have always existed, in all times and all places, and so many of us have loved one another with a devotion lasting many years and many decades. There are literally thousands of examples of long-term LGBTQ+ couples from recorded history, and no doubt millions or billions more of us whose lives were either unrecorded or actively ignored or suppressed. So this is a new series of snapshots dedicated to those men who loved men, women who loved women, and gender nonconformists of all eras. What is remembered lives.
We drew inspiration from our ancestors at our wedding ceremony, which began with a reading:
The poet Sappho, in one of her few surviving fragments of verse, speaks of her artistic community of women-loving women on the island of Lesbos, calling out to the future and saying:
someone will remember us I say even in another time - Sappho, “Fragment 147” [trans. Anne Carson]
Over 2500 years later, Oscar Wilde said “The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.” We need to remember our ancestors, and there is a rich tradition of same-sex couples pledging their commitment to one another by honoring and remembering those who came before. Members of The Sacred Band of Thebes, an elite battalion consisting entirely of pairs of male lovers, would pledge their fidelity to one another at the tomb of Iolaus, the lover of Hercules. In ancient Athens, the first historical figures to be honored with a public memorial and hero-offerings of seed-cakes were the lovers Harmodios and Aristogeiton, who, using a sword hidden in a bough of myrtle, liberated Athens from a tyrant. Male couples at the symposiums would sing a famous drinking song [source], saying:
I will carry my sword in a myrtle bough Just like Harmodios and Aristogeiton When they killed the tyrant And made Athens a place of equality under the law.
Even Alexander the Great and his lover Hephaestion, when they visited Troy, each laid a wreath on the tomb of Achilles and Patroklos, whose love was celebrated in Homer’s Iliad. Therefore, when we were finally able to legally marry, Ryan and I wanted to honor our elders and our ancestors throughout history, most of whom did not have the opportunity to legally wed their beloved before their family and friends.
During our wedding ceremony, Ryan and I recited names from a long list of of our beloved LGBTQ+ precursors, and then made a memorial offering to our ancestors with the following words:
“To the countless unnamed and unknown, the men who loved men, the women who loved women, and the gender nonconformists of all eras – you who suffered and even died because of who you were and who you loved, you who blazed the trails and paved the way for this gathering today – you are all remembered.”
In the words of Rita Mae Brown’s poem entitled ‘Sappho’s Reply’:
My voice rings down through thousands of years To coil around your body and give you strength, You who have wept in direct sunlight, Who have hungered in invisible chains, Tremble to the cadence of my legacy: An army of lovers shall not fail.
Honoring Our LGBTQ+ Ancestors and Elders:
Bart Howard & Thomas “Bud” Fowler (together for 58 years)
Everyone knows the song “Fly Me to the Moon,” famously sung by Frank Sinatra and originally popularized by Peggy Lee. It’s been covered by hundreds of recording artists and is one of the most popular love songs of all time. But did you know it was written from one man to another? Songwriter Bart Howard wrote the love song for his partner, Thomas “Bud” Fowler. Howard and Fowler were together for 58 years, until Howard’s death in 2004 at the age of 88. The pair are buried together in Clarkesville, TX. Howard also wrote the beautiful song “Sky Full of Rainbows” (performed by gay singer Johnny Mathis), which inspired the title of this new article series.
Charity Bryant & Sylvia Drake (together for 44 years)
Charity Bryant and Sylvia Drake are a perfect example of the countless LGBTQ+ couples who managed to carve out a quiet life together in eras even less accepting than today. Writer/educator Charity Bryant met tailor Sylvia Drake in Weybridge, Vermont in 1807. The two women would go on to become pillars of the community, sharing a home and starting a tailoring business. Intriguingly, the pair were completely accepted as a married couple by the small community and were buried together. Bryant’s nephew, the famous American poet William Cullent Byrant, wrote: “If I were permitted to draw the veil of private life, I would briefly give you the singular, and to me interesting, story of two maiden ladies who dwell in this valley. I would tell you how, in their youthful days, they took each other as companions for life, and how this union, no less sacred to them than the tie of marriage, has subsisted, in uninterrupted harmony, for more than forty years.”
More information here: Life Story: Charity and Sylvia (1807–1851): A Same-Sex Marriage in Early America
Lovely little Youtube video about their life (from the New York Historical Society):
William "Billy" Haines & Jimmie Shields (together for 47 years)
Billy Haines was one of the most successful box-office stars of the 1920s and early 1930s. But when MGM found out he was gay, studio head Louis B. Mayer demanded that Haines split up with his boyfriend, Jimmie Shields, and marry a woman. When Haines refused, MGM terminated his contract. Haines and Shields went on to start an extremely successful business as interior designers and antique dealers in Los Angeles, with an A-list roster of clients. Haines and Shields were together for 47 years until the death of Haines in 1973. Close friend and client Joan Crawford called them “the happiest married couple in Hollywood.”
There’s a great documentary about their story, Out of the Closet, Off the Screen: The Life of William Haines, which is currently available on Youtube:
Mike Petross & Phil Pugh (over 55 years together and still counting!)
I first encountered the story of Mike Petross and Phil Pugh in a beautiful book of photography, Queer Love in Color by photographer/author Jamal Jordan. (Mike and Phil are the male couple in the center photo on the book’s cover.)
Detroit residents Mike and Phil met in 1967 at the ages of 21 and 25, respectively, and they’ve been together ever since. Over the decades, they’ve owned a restaurant and an antique shop, lived on a farm, and are now activists, volunteers and “vital” members of Detroit’s gay Black community. Jamal Jordan wrote more about their story (with great photos!) for the Washington Post here: Black, gay and graying gracefully in love.
Tiny Davis & Ruby Lucas (together for 42 years)
What a pair! The title of the short documentary about their life says it all: Tiny and Ruby: Hell Divin’ Women. Jazz trumpeter/singer Ernestine “Tiny” Davis and drummer/bassist/pianist Ruby Lucas (aka Renée Phelan) were both members of the iconic International Sweethearts of Rhythm, the all-female, multicultural, racially integrated jazz band from the 1940s, featuring some of the best jazz musicians of the era. Called “the female Louis Armstrong,” Tiny Davis was sought out by all the prominent bandleaders of the day, but she turned them all down to stay with the Sweethearts because she “just loved those gals too much!” Unfortunately, like so many other female jazz musicians, Tiny and Ruby both had difficulty finding work after the troops came home from World War II. So they moved to the Southside of Chicago and opened Tiny and Ruby’s Gay Spot, a gay/lesbian bar and music venue, where they regularly performed with their own jazz band, the delightfully named Hell Divers. Tiny and Ruby remained together for over 42 years until the death of Davis in 1994.
More information here: Tiny Davis: The forgotten history of a leading lesbian Jazz trumpeter. Check out some clips from the documentary (including scenes recorded at their home in 1988), and then listen to Tiny’s incredible performance with the International Sweethearts from 1946:
There are so many more stories to tell, from ancient Egypt to Han dynasty China to medieval France to today! I hope to discuss many of these stories in future installments of “Sky Full of Rainbows.” But I wanted to end with some brief notes about two impressive LGBTQ+ couples who were together for over 70 years! Talk about relationship goals!
Jan Morris & Elizabeth Tuckniss (together for 71 years!)
We talked at length about one our favorite writers, the inimitable Jan Morris, in a recent podcast (which you can listen to here). In addition to scaling Mount Everest in 1953 with Edmund Hilary, and later going on to travel the entire globe and write some of the best so-called “travel literature” of all time, Jan Morris and her wife, Elizabeth Tuckniss, married in 1949 and had five children. When Morris started transitioning in 1964, Tuckniss fully supported her spouse’s transition, which culminated in a gender affirmation surgery in 1972. Though they were legally forced to divorce after Jan’s transition, Morris and Tuckniss stayed together and formed a civil partnership in 2008. Together for 71 years, they lived in Wales for over five decades until the death of Morris in 2020 at the age of 94.
George Forrest & Robert Wright (together for 71 years!)
Songwriting duo George Forrest & Robert Wright were musical partners and romantic partners for 71 years! The composers and lyricists are most famous for the Broadway musical, Kismet, which featured popular songs like “Stranger in Paradise,” “Baubles, Bangles and Beads,” “And This Is My Beloved” and “Fate.” Their songs, which Wright said were usually a 50/50 collaboration between the two, have been covered by Tony Bennett, Frank Sinatra, Sarah Vaughan, Peggy Lee, Sammy Davis Jr., Lena Horne, Dionne Warwick, Johnny Mathis, Sun Ra, Isaac Hayes and the Supremes. According to the charming website about their lives, Forrest and Wright met at the Miami High School Glee Club in 1929, soon thereafter became lovers and musical collaborators, and were inseparable until Forrest’s death in 1999.
And speaking of inseparable, I want to use this platform to wish my beloved husband, Ryan Wildstar, a happy 23rd anniversary! I sometimes can’t believe it’s been over two decades, my love. But I am grateful every day to be sharing this life with you. How did we find each other in this crazy world? It must be kismet. You are my husband, my partner, my companion, my lover, and my best friend. You are my inspiration for everything I do. You are my star, my soul-star, my wild star, my Star Prince . . . my dazzling Asterion . . .
As Plato once wrote to his beloved [my translation]:
Star-gazing, my star? I wish I were the nighttime skies . . . to gaze upon you with infinite eyes.
Here’s to many more decades to come! *Cheers to that!*
Happy Anniversary!! What a beautiful way to mark it.
Happy Anniversary, my love! So beautifully written. I love you with all of my heart and soul until the end of time.